The First Attempt
by Afterlight14
Summary: Newts first attempt


I come to a slow stop at where the maze forks into two paths.

_I've seen this before, I've seen it all before. No matter what way you turn, it's always the same. Nothing changes, everyday of my shucking life is like a perfect circle. Always ending at where it started. Everyday I start my day off by running. Always running. Always searching. Always waiting. Always running. But I'm lucky. I actually get to leave the shucking Glade. I hate it. I hate it all. I hate Glade, and all who inhabits it. I hate the maze with it's always changing, but repeating pathways. I hate the Grievers, the Beetle Blades, and the walls that close every shucking night. And mostly I hate the Creators. Everything. Everything is and always will be the shucking same!_

I can't take it, I slam my hand into the nearest wall, the vines cushion the blow.

_How can this be my shucking life, what is the point? Why does it matter? Nothing matters. I don't shucking matter. I'm nothing, I don't matter. I'm nothing, I don't matter. I don't matter. I don't matter. I'm nothing. I repeatedly think. Alby, Minho, the rest of the Gladers don't need me. I don't matter. What's the point? Why do the Creators need me? Why am I here? I'm nothing. I'm tired of this life, I can't take it, nothing matters. I'm nothing!_

I drop my backpack. And start to climb the wall. The vines are sturdy enough to carry me weight.

5 feet

_Not high enough. Have to keep climbing._

10 feet

_Did I have a family? Did they love? Maybe I had a family, with an older brother. Who took care of me and carried the responsibility? A mom who loved me unconditionally, or a dad who protected me. What would they think of me now? I don't care. I'm nothing. Keep climbing, don't stop._

15 feet

_Why does anything matter. Nothing changes, there is no point. We're all just objects in a maze. No way out, never will be. Stop the maddness. I won't be waiting around, till we're all old, and dead. I don't matter, they don't need me. Keep climbing._

20 feet

_Will they find my body? I hope not. Alby and Minho are my best friends. I hope they don't find me. I hope the Grievers or the Creators get to me first. I hope they never find me, I hope I stay a mystery in the thousand that scar this shucking maze. But if they do find me, It won't shucking matter. I don't shucking matter. Keep climbing._

25 feet

_Will it hurt? How will it feel? Can I really do this? Will I actually do this? I don't care. I hate it here. I don't matter. I'm nothing. I don't care what will happen. I don't care what klunk comes from me. I'm nothing. Keep climbing._

30 feet

_Am I a coward if I do this? Or am I brave enough to accept that we're going nowhere, and taking matter into my own hands? I'm a coward, I'm a coward. No! I'm nothing! I can't be a coward if I'm nothing! And I am nothing, I don't matter. Nothing matters. Stop thinking. There is no point. Stop thinking. Stop thinking. I'm nothing! Stop thinking. Too much thinking. STOP!_  
_Keep climbing, keep climbing, I'm nothing, keep climbing._

Halfway up the wall.

_I'm ready. I can do this. I'm nothing. I'm a coward. No. I'm nothing, I don't matter. Nothing matters. I can do this. The world is dead, the Glade is dead. I am dead. We're all dead. Who cares? I don't care, I'm nothing. Jump. Do it. You're nothing. I'm nothing. Everyone is nothing. Jump. Jump. Jump. Minho. Jump. Alby. Jump. Jump. You're nothing. Shuck it. Shuck it all. Jump. The Glade. Jump. Jump. Shuck it. You don't matter. Jump. The Grievers. Jump. My family. You're nothing. Just an object. Jump. Jump. The Creators. I'm ready. Jump. Running. That's all I'm good for. Running. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Shuck it. Shuck it all. Jump. Jump. . Jump. Do it. Thomas ?_

I push myself from the wall. My body falls to the ground so suddenly. I know it was the right choice. I have no regret of doing it. But I miscalculated my landing. My body collides with ground feet first. A hear a sharp crack, the worst sound in the world. Then the worst pain in the world, all coming from my ankle.

_It didn't work. I'm a shucking idiot. No. I'm nothing. I failed. All there is to do is wait. Story of my life. All we ever do is shucking wait. Waiting till we find the way out of the Maze, the Glade, and our lives. Now I'm either waiting to die from the pain, or the Grievers to come find me. Or maybe one of the Gladers will come find me. But who cares.I don't matter. I'm nothing. Nothing matters._

I crawl over to the wall, the one that I jumped from. And lean against the sturdy vines , the ones I climbed. And I wait.


End file.
